Redang with Strangers

Its a comfort to receive notes from people that people do read my blogs and looking forward to my next post. It has been a while since i write. Actually, i do write every day, or in between every single empty space moment i have. Not punching the keys on my lappie or putting pen to paper. It's in my head. And thats when the, "Don't-disturb-me-when-i-am-talking-to-myself" rule came up.  Especially for the past month i've been experiencing a 80% deafness on my left, i could literally talk to and hear myself without anyone noticing it; like a permanent iPod stuck to my ear. It's curable.. but till it pops, i'm enjoying the unvolunteered silence.

I doubt anyone can beat me being the laziest and the most indecisive traveler ever. Not mentioning that i'm one of the poorest as well. That combination usually means that i do everything last minute and end up paying more than what it actually cost. Then again, at the last-est minute, i usually come up with a smarter, brighter, crazier idea and my whole plan flip once again. So this time round i came up with another brilliant and mad idea - I'm not staying in SG this weekend. Lets go Redang. It was thursday noon.

Where else would i find another crazy soul? Naturally, i post a message on couchsurfing.org, shouting out to whoever that is keen to join me on this senseless 2days 1 night trip. Who else but me, would buy a bus ticket 1 day prior leaving, spend 12hours on a bus, not having a ferry ticket, 2 hours on a ferry, arriving the island without any accommodation booked and the same journey back to SG after one night there???!!         Lets give a round of applause to all the crazy souls who responded.

So apparently, there are people who are just as bored and nutty as me. I guess the universe is fueled by the word trust. I ranged up my buddy, informing about my last minute trip.

"Who you going with?"
"Strangers, from CS"
"Met them?"
"Nope."

*she has got used to the idea that its normal for me to travel with whoever.



"And i bought all their tickets, before they paid me the money. ok, 2 paid."
"And what if the 2 other didn't turn up?!"
"Faith"

"Accommodation?"
"Faith"
"U have time to get the ferry tickets?"
"Faith"

"Good luck"
"Bye"

Basically thats it. Pure strangers choose to trust each other with money for a senseless trip. It amazes me how sometimes all these could work out. I received the money via bank transfer soon after i called up the guys to confirm the trip. It sounded like a scam in fact. i could be another internet scammer. But for a $70? I would be a total brainless bitch.

Got the tickets on a thursday, met the guys for the first time on friday night and we set off for a 48hours of adventure together.

My personal adventure started even before the coach gets onto the expressway. I got lost at the malaysia custom after getting my passport stamped. Being a weekly visitor to johor bahru, it was my second time in 6 years that i crossed the border not being in a car. A car is easy, you stick your passport out of your window at the custom, they stamped it, give it back to you, and you f*** off! One way in, one way out!

A whole different story when i "walked" through the custom. One way in, many ways out! Like, where the hell is the bus?! 20mins of anxiety and frustration from walking and being lost, the entire bus  applauded when i finally got into it.

The ride was long enough to hold a good conversation with my travel partner, fell in and out of sleep, a throbbing headache and an aching back by the time we arrived, 12 hours later. So whats an adventure if everything is too smoothly plan? Indeed, we went to the jetty with our fingers crossed, hoping to get tickets for 5 to and off Redang. 

Faith. We got the tickets! ( knowing clearly that its crazy to risk that cos its a weekend.)  

For the next 2 days were nothing but beer, diving, beer and Nothing. Yes, nothing is something that everyone should do. I need to do nothing once in a while. Staring into spaces, dozing off, wakes up, stares into space again. The cycle repeats itself. Its addictive before depression creeps in. Its potentially depressing. Till then, i love it.  Island's life is simple, easy, what i yearned for. Maybe that's the reason why i always island hopping. Planting myself in some island,  smelling the sea, hitting the waves and sometimes diving into it to remind me that i am alive. 


Meeting up random people, having random fun, at random times. Its all these randoms that make life interesting. At least, my life interesting, able to get out of this mundane life for a short random retreat. What's there to lose anyway? time? I've got lots of it.


So 4 guys 1 girl all packed up in a room. Some girlfriends think i'm out of my mind. Other guy friends think that the idea was awesome. The combination of being 80% lazy and 20% faithful, brings either lots of trouble or hell loads of fun. Its a 50/50 risk i am more than happy to take. 

Life's Beautiful Coincidences

The sea is such a manipulator. Though as calm as it is, with gentle waves rolling into a rhythm of its own or perhaps only the true listener could tell you the exact tune that it’s playing. The different shades of blue bring both mystery and peace at the same time. For just a day, staring at this immeasurable mass of water lifted up my spirit. I felt, the world is beyond what I can see now. So, lets just chill and enjoy the moment. All these were yesterday.

I’m sitting by the café now with the sea just metres away. The rhythm now totally changes. You know sometimes certain music either cheer you up or makes you further depressed than you already are. But every song depending on its nature, brings forth different emotions. This sea.. what can I say. I stared at it for 2 hours this morning, trying to listen. Finding back the calmness and peace it brought me yesterday. The harder I try, the further I drift from what I’m expecting to feel. Tears welled up. I cringed and held my elbows tightly unknowingly. Seems like my body is bracing itself for its worst. Its funny that sometimes my body knows whatever better than I do. I felt a shiver down my spine, my heart beats faster and the next thing I knew, I have hidden my face between my knees and trembling in tears. Its ironic. A beautiful island like this and yet I am not living it. For moments i felt i was merely existing, getting bashed up by the profound movements of the universe.  

So instead of trying to grasp the gist of how the whole fucking nature works, why not just live the day? So its all enjoying the moment? Unfortunate or not, its debatable. I think that’s said cos I know I’m able to make the moment happen again if I want to. Its only when I know its all done and finish. Never would I get to laugh like I used to, explode like we used to, chase each other around like we did. I enjoyed those moments. I love them too much I lose myself in the midst of these times. I fell in and out of reality for that period. I confuse myself from these reality rip-off. 


Though constantly reminding myself of my position and preparing for what it may come – today. Its my last day here on the island.  i doubt I will ever come back again.. not for a very long time I suppose. My last night here enjoying what’s about to end. The last thing I should do is cry. Afterall, it was a good 9 months. However, that is also a last thing and the only thing I could do. 

(Hugging tightly unto him from the back on the motorcycle, I burst into a fountain of tears silently. Wiping away my runny nose furiously while the wind against my face swept those tears away. My body trembled. Maybe it’s the cold wind I thought. Yes, it’s the cold wind I choose to believe.

Then in the night, my arms started trembling again. And I knew it was the wind anymore. It was his touch. A touch that I once thought is warm and assuring, now my body reacts to it like its afraid. Afraid cos I will never feel this touch again. I was doing pretty good, swallowing those tears while untangling myself from his arms so unwillingly. Till his arm wrapped around me, I found no other strength to push away no more. 

I failed terribly. Failed to warm up a heart that I’ve given all I could and couldn’t. Failed to heal the heart after all these months. Failing to play the game well. Failing to arm myself well before diving in into this. Maybe I did. As times go by, the defenses peel away as real emotions find its way through. I don’t know why im writing this. Should I be writing this for my blog, just for myself, or for you? I know I’m crying out for help. Someone or something to bring me out of this miserable state.

Its 7pm. Hours to the night fall, to where it will all end. I wish he could sympathize me just a little. A little just to make me feel better. I remember I woke up this morning and for a slightest moment I thought that everything that happened last night was a bad dream. For that moment, I was relieved, till I realized his arms were still around me, I teared into the pillow once more.  I wasn’t expecting anything, I just want to be happy and I’m happy when im with him. I don’t understand why must things be stopped when its all still good. And also because of the same reason, it has to end. Taking away the little weekly joy I look forward to was just pure evil. )  

Love isn't a game. Love isn't something that anyone can choose to make it show up. It's a feeling that comes and goes as it pleases. When it knocks, we can choose to embrace it or pretend it never will happen. I embraced it, knowing extremely well that it will one day leave as silently as it came. 

I suppose it's a skill; personality; trait; quality, whatever you call it, that a traveler must acquire. To be able to detach from anyone, thing or place within the given time from the motion of the universe. Its a remarkable quality i must say. Some people call it unfeeling or even cruelty. Cruel to the people around. Afterall, i always been saying, you just can't come into someone's life, make them care, and then you leave. But, who else, but ourselves, we have to love and be selfish to? And i learnt that the hard way, still learning it as i'm typing. Space, time, life, are the most brutal of all. They don't stop for anything. Like it or not, it moves on. Till Life finally found a dwelling place, i keep on moving, seeing, listening, searching. 


There was a time i met someone else, whom i want to see his face everyday instead of the world; who i want to sit quietly even for minutes instead of partying in Ibiza all night. We traveled for 3 weeks. The emotions were intense for that 20days. It seemed like we'd gone through a 3 years of relationship all packed up in 3weeks. And all these illusions made us thought that we've found the one. It was nothing but a beautiful coincidence. Reality is, there's a clear start and end date. Happy times were meant to be packed and store away. Life moves on. You get the point.  


Lots of people wish to find that special someone while sitting on a beach in Bali or exploring the streets of Paris. We have this idealistic notion of travel romance. However, reality is always different. The realities of desired destinations, time tables, flights and everything else often get in the way, and it becomes much harder to really keep things going. 


We could only accumulate all these beautiful coincidences and for that, we learn to detach ourselves freely. I've met one that could do it with a snap of a finger. I admire him for that, so much i want to be him. At the same time, i'm glad i'm not and i detest him for him, maybe becos i'm the party that was left behind. 


You meet someone, you hit it off, and for the place and time, you are together. It makes all things simpler, isn't it? 

The Epic Photo

Fox Glacier

I never thought i would blog on non-travel related matters. Just a sudden urge to pen down all the random thoughts and the bugging feeling to want to scream - So what if i'm naked?!

Ever since the photo has been posted up to FB, the comments have since hit a new record on a single pic. Never did any of my pictures received this much of attention since my first upload. Sure it made an impact on my profile. Positive or not, i'm still fence-sitting. It brought me to slowly realize how superficial human beings could be as time passes when people create the perception of me base on one single outrageous photo.  I was sane, friends know. And when I said friends, I do meant, friends - those who know what spells Jac and it ain't just a 3 letter word. I'm crazy enough to take chances... so much that i got into shitty troubles that no one else would be capable of. Not that I’m proud of that, but I am amazed by Jac at times. Like, how did she even do that, and again?! I shall not swerve into that. And i was normal. Gradually, normality isn't normal anymore, what is doomed now is insanity - which i call normal at the present.

Driving from Te Anau to Queenstown, New Zealand, my buddy and I somehow lost the way and found ourselves driving through this magnificent landscape, on an unsealed track. Winding through the hills on this rocky, barren track, in a big fat camper wasn't a kidding matter. Every stone, every hole, every humps and bumps, our bums took it all. For the last 5kms at least, we see nothing but endless greens with backdrops of surreal snowy mountains, which almost seemed like a huge curtain falling from the sky. Maybe someone will draw it close, revealing darkness and emptiness. That would be more believable. So in this 9 degC afternoon, taking off any piece of cloth off my body is what i deemed bravery. To know that the almost cold-blooded German already had 3 layers on, i decided to strip to my boots. When but now would i have a chance to have this epic photo taken ever again? So i decided to greet the raw mother nature with my upmost sincerity, nudity.

I was traveling with my German buddy. Someone whom I’ve met in June during my Cairns’ trip. Hit it off quite well and decided to do a trip together again 3 months later. So the instructions were easy. It sounded wrong but it was the way it was!

“I strip, you shoot!”
“Go! Go!”

I took off all the precious warmth on me in the van and the moment I opened the door, the bitterly cold wind hugged me like icy metal sheets.  Braving through the windy field, I ran 20m away from the van and stood long enough to capture just 2 shots. With almost nothing on, I stood facing this majestic snow-cap mountain, trying to embrace the rawest form of nature around me. In the mere seconds, besides the chill, I felt that breath-taking mother earth and how insignificant I am in this midst of God’s creation. Isn’t this the kind of simplicity all should be thriving for? Rather than pride and fame or any form of worldly material that so called giving man the satisfaction that they need. It was only in the brief moments of nakedness, I felt the weakness and dedication in me. The clothes I wore aren’t just fabrics but superficial smiles, prideful defenses and deceiving fronts that manage to fool even myself. Nudity is hence beautiful. It shows the rawest form of beauty of man, no pride, no fakes, no self-consciousness. Removing all these clothes in life was not an easy task. The insignificance of me magnifies in this midst of nature and it compelled me to accept and acknowledge my vulnerability.

All said and done, I never expect a simple photo like this would raise many different perceptions of me. So Jac is crazy. yes I am. So Jac is an attention seeking bitch? Why not?! Haha. So Jac is shameless. Am i? So Jac is loose. Oh yeah? So Jac like to bare her ass and thus she is easy. Wow. Although these were not mentioned to me directly but nonetheless, I felt that from people around me when after all the formality talks, they can’t help but to throw the question, “So you like to bare the ass huh?” Seriously, dude..

Its good somehow. Now I know who are the respectful ones and who I should eliminate.  Maybe it’s the asian ethics and values towards nudity. Or maybe it’s the centuries of media influenced culture that shaped our thinking that going nude means obscenity and shame. Then again, what is shame? Its just the different levels of acceptance in the individuals towards an act.

It is indeed discouraging to know that people appreciate the act of the photo in the wrong way, creating a perception that disappoints more than anything else. Isn’t perception a funny thing? As mentioned in my fb, I am who I am and you are who you are and everything else is a perception based on acceptance, deception, smoke, mirrors, and so on. It's everything in between us that seems to justify our accidental identities. It's human nature to mold his/her behavior and personality according to such suppositions and assumptions. Even if i could spell myself out in words, who will be there to justify? Which is more believable, my words or your perception? Still, anyone has his/her entitlements of judgments and definitions of Jac. She is still who she is, not seeking for any acceptance or agreements.

And lastly, So what if I’m naked ? ")

Queenstown, New Zealand.

Phuket Escape

Phuket trip. 27^th Mar – 30^th Mar 2011. 

The consequence of an ending of a non-existent relationship. A relationship that isn’t even acknowledge in the first place. All thanks to my stubbornness and the self-recognized rational mind, that brought me to a state of unnecessary turmoil and pain that is totally uncalled for.

It all started with just one single guy and that led to a cycle of hope and defeat. And for some reason, knowing that it’s all a cycle again and again, the obstinate dense mind doesn’t learn! It was meant to be a distraction, a damn good one. Someone to divert my attention away from another whom has been quietly floating in my world since the start of 2010. With many ups and downs with this dude, it’s a fairytale turned wicked.  Just when I was struggling to grab hold of any chance of survival in the midst of the drowning sorrow and dejection, I met my hope. Successfully got me out of my initial grief for 3 months and wickedly, steadily led me to another fall once more. When is this going to end?!

The foolishness and naiveness of the mind is indeed incredible. Constant reminders with every strength and effort that the mind could dispense, actively, forcefully, cruelly drilling the fact into my head, it is not, will not, will never be mine. N e v e r. Nevertheless, it came too close, too near and subconsciously a part of me took ownership of it. So I let it. I let myself sank into this sphere of blindness and delusion. A space where I regard as joy until I woke up. This sphere was sunny, full of joy, radiant and made me a very happy woman in love. All dreams, good or bad, comes to an end isn’t it? Why not enjoy it while it last, till I wake up. An absolute fatal move. I thought I am strong enough. I thought all those reminders with every ounce of strength have backed me up. I thought i will accept it with suavity when it comes. All these assumptions were banished the moment the bubble was burst. The hours after were beyond grueling. The conversation kept repeating itself like an unstoppable playback. It was like death, a part of me died. I went into a state of trance, where everything lost its scent and colors. Breathing became an effort and crying became natural. Eventually, again, it will come to a point when you will grab hold of any life-saving hope, just to breathe. Most likely it wouldn’t work. And all functioning cells in me were screaming, don’t do it. The next thing I know, I heard the captain say, we are 20minutes from Phuket. Weather is sunny with occasional showers.

Welcome to Phuket. I was once again, forcefully put myself into a place of unfamiliarity and unknown. Though I’ve been there enough times not to not know that place, it was still pleasantly useful to divert all my senses away from the pain. 3 days of escape, I drank, beached, indulged with awesome food, hang out with friends, being spoilt like a princess, being showered with affections and attentions, added 5 other new friends in my FB, dived, seen turtles for the first time,  couchsurfed, made another friend, had fun.Everything but crying. I did not shed a single tear. I wasn’t happy, but at least tears stopped flowing and most importantly, breathing became normal again. 

It was where i spent most of my nights with my wine of the side

I went Italian that day!

It was while dolling up myself to meet my CS host, a sudden revelation hit me – The more you travel, the more you forget your world, the more you see, the more people you meet, the more you wouldn’t want to stay with one.

Even though it was broken, and a part died, I stopped crying. I know now. I’m fine now, I think. 

Amazzeing

Beautiful sunset, Melbourne

Recently I’ve been spelling amazing with double Z. After years and years of learning through the hardest ways, I still can’t guard this thing call emotions. I believe there’s this little elf somewhere hidden in me, that I’ve absolutely have no control over. It has the ability to dominant every logic and sense I have at any time it reckon  it should.

And this E, gets me into troubles big and small, places and people I would love and hate to meet or go and experiencing the emotions that I’d never thought I have.  The day I can control this E, no… I doubt I’m Jac anymore. We are inseparable, though at times I wish I could just be me. But who can touch water without touching wet?

With the odd and mysterious way this universe works, complimenting the E that is in me, I had the best days ever in years.  And of course, it involves a male species which made all these possible.  It added on to the already amazed me that how this universe evolves around every individuals if we allow it to. Traveling itself brings more unexpected than the reckoned. Defying the universe only prevents us for receiving the amazement that she’s waiting to shower us with.

It was another couchsurfing gathering I got to know from an Italian that I met a week ago. We hit it off straight away and so I decided to stay in close contact with him.  Upon reaching the bar, I had expected a couple of warm welcomes. (it’s a leo thing). 

The bar wasn’t too crowded with a couple of people scattered around. The one thing that caught my attention immediately, was this crowd hovering around this unfamiliar guy in a multi layered outfit and a jacket printed with gigantic M&Ms. So he was pulling some magic tricks that had everyone fooled with amazement. The crowd watched intently at his spellbinding hands.

The silence was unusual in a bar, when you have at least 20 people focusing on one single thing. Pretty obviously, I was captivated as well, but not fully on the tricks but the magician himself. The familiar couchsurfers / hosts ended up having all the same WTF look after each trick from the odd-dressing man who was the centre of the spotlight.

Where is he from? And who the hell is this gorgeous? I think I just woken up this E again.  With his little hand lion puppet, he approached me. Or I went to him,either way. Later I learned that the puppet’s name is Maurice. Even though I know its just another puppet, I was fascinated by how he brought the puppet to life. After kissing my hand, it fell into transfixion into the shoulders of his friend, the puppeteer.  SO damn cute! I broke into a big smile and looked at this amazing guy.. w.o.w. and not long after… shit.. oh no.. NOT again!!!

I didn’t manage to get his contact. His name is all I got. For the next week or so, I’d been thinking of this man who captivated me but I manage to tell E to fuck off cos I’m not gonna see him again. There was this tattoo exhibition which was showcasing one of the artists’ work around the corner at Sydney Road. It was something which I’ve been wanting to check it out but to my disappointment, it was just a retail tattoo shops with couple of artwork hung up for sale. Indeed, they do have some good designs but its still wasn’t my thing. Too dark and wicked.

As I was getting bored while waiting for my couchsurfing host to finish his tour, a familiar face came right into the shop.  In a flash, the boredom vanished and E prompted me to get his attention. I absolutely had no idea where the adrenaline rush came from. Taming the E in me, I got up and cracked a bashful hi. I could feel my ears glowing. It wasn’t too tough to get the conversation going. As I soon learnt he’s a natural communicator. The tough part was playing it calm and cool. If I could surface the war with E within me, it would be like the bombings between north & south korea. Same body, different ruling, trying to kick the logic out of the other.

The convo started with the usual questions back and forth from us.. more from me actually. In fact, I was utterly oblivious to whatever that was around me that I didn’t realized that my friend was already standing besides where I was sitting. I am, but I am NOT that oblivious to my surroundings. Somehow..somewhat… my senses just flowed in that direction.

 As much as I want to remember the whole conversation like a tape recorder, only one part etched into my memory. “What is your objective in life?” he asked casually and yet I could sense the momentousness of the question.  Close friends threw questions like this to me once in a while. But I’d never expect a person whose name I could hardly remember would challenge my thoughts in such way. Instincts instantly prompted me to say something intelligent, or duplicate some quotes from whoever. E ran through its pathetic archive in her goddess’ speed and I guess she relented. A simple question just exposed the humility and vulnerability I have been guarding all these years. “ I just want to be happy,” My answer startled even myself.

Guess we won’t know what we really want till we tear down all those pride in us.  No one could tell but at that point of time, I had utterly given in to myself. “Face it, Jac. It’s time.”  All the while I thought, as long as I don’t give any acknowledgment to certain facts, they will never exist.  And I could continue being me; blind and deaf.  Someone commented, you ain’t that ignorant I thought u were. I want to and I choose to.

After a quarter of century fending for myself, its not a choice but I have to be ignorant to protect myself. Ignoring how people see me, ignoring the fact that my heart was broken time and time again, ignoring all those theories of life, ignoring how tough life is, ignoring what means happiness.  I do not have multiple personalities, just layers of them. And those who could peel them off layer by layer and unmasked the defenseless me were not many but just 2 and this man was potentially the third.

 While I thought the worst was over, he asked once more,
“what’s happiness to you?”

I wish I could snap my finger and teleport myself to any other place than to sit there facing questions I’ve been avoiding half my life! The silence wasn’t too long , but I already felt millions of emotions and thoughts rumbling through me like indestructible waves preparing itself for a ferocious thunderstorm.

“To feel good.” I blurted.

Yeah.. to feel good, I silently agreed with myself once more. 

Bret Amazzeing & myself

I Am Beautiful

Sitting by the bar at 3.45pm, by myself thinking what Melbourne has given me for the past 2 weeks. Get out there to know more people, I was told. After a week in isolation, or rather, just being with one SG friend who is rich enough to levitate himself from the local Aussies. So I heeded the advice and get out there.. do what I do best – know more guys.

From Couchsurfing, my social circle expanded overnight. Travelers around the world came together and had a ball of a time.  I wasn’t surprise at all. Its  in every male species DNA to gravitate towards the opposite gender. That I’ve learnt over the years since puberty. Or so, maybe I was  over-estimating myself or the ego in me was over-reacting in its own will. Flirtatious darts were throwing my way.  Awkward actions spotted. There was this  guy that  were giving goodbye hugs to everyone and by the time it was my turn, he withdrew and gave a short quick wave  in front of his chest. He must be hating himself shortly after for making such a cute and dumb wave.  Through out the party, people moved from one spot to another, to get to know the others. Needless to say, I did  likewise. HoWever, I can’t help but  to notice the same face in whichever conversations I engaged to.  After the 2 convo, I’m pretty sure this guy had eyes on me. I never expected to get direct and blunt opinions from people of any race or nationality or simply, humans. The first guy who fondered my ego was the same guy who appeared repeatedly infront of me. After some short chat, he told me I’m beautiful and he wanted to see me home. And guess how I reacted. Any of my past experience did not teach me how to fight or flight this situation.  It was simpler to jump to conclusion – he just want to get into my pants. So I showed my simplest appreciate by saying Thank you, but I can manage. Nonetheless, he left me his number and hope I give him a buzz.

The next morning, another Host from couchsurfing called on the house phone. We met 2 nights before for a short drink and I went home after 2 hours as my crazy stomach had one of those days again. All thanks to the half a bottle of beer.  He was calling to check if I was feeling better, if that’s the real motive. Not long into the conversation, he blatantly, directly, forthrightly, told me he’s attracted to me and wondering if I’m feeling the same as well. If so, we can hang out more. At this point, its all clear that the first part of the conversation was just formalities.  It goes without saying that I did feel extremely good but it also put me into a very uncomfortable position. Extremely flattered I must admit, and his appealing smile was hard to forget.

As I was writing this outside a bar in the day, someone across the table has been gazing into my direction. Undoubtedly, a male species of course.

I’m starting to doubt how the world sees me. Is it true that when more than a handful of people say the same thing over and over again to you, a lie could turn out to be the truth? I was walking down the same street a couple of days later and I passed by a Pizza place.  There was this mid 40s man standing right at the entrance of the restaurant who I assume is the owner. Just another friendly Aussie I thought, when he started talking to me. It would be nice to chat with a local anyway, and so I slowed down my steps. Food and wine are gonna get me killed one day. I’ve got absolutely no resistance to any of that mentioned.  The word of wine took over the logicality in me and the next thing I knew, I was sitting comfortably on the couch, listening to his ridiculous words of adoration for me and persuasion of bringing me to Hawaii. My patience ran out as soon as I emptied the glass. Ok, Get  out of here.

Reality is nothing but mere made up fiction and beliefs of every individuals. It’s a matter of choice and decisions of every man that carve the reality in his world. When people say, come to reality and stop dreaming. Whose dreams and whose reality? The so-called reality is intensify when more people see and believe in the same thing and thus, it’s being determine as real? And if I choose to see the opposite and believe in the alternative, I’m seen as the opposer or the day- dreamer. Its everything around us that brings the reality to set. The judgment, the misconception, the delusion and perspective of every single being, shapes the personality and beauty of another. So am I still beautiful? I believe I am.

To those who shared the same opinions of me, to those who disagree, to those who are with me, and to those who are against me, Thank you. However, I don’t give credit to those thoughts and opinions and that’s how I survived through these years.

New Zealand Oct 2010

New Zealand Oct 2010. The trip is coming to an end. A beautiful and peaceful ending I should say. Marcel is gone since morning and I am alone in the hostel. Over the past 50days being with the same person, many times I wished I hadn’t make this trip at all. But in the end its all good. Our differences clashed like mars hit venus. Maybe it’s the language barrier, or maybe it’s the prideful individuals. It was tough to live together. We had our good times and bad times. It clearly showed me the life I wouldn’t want to have with a life partner. But after all these, the emotions when departure from each other were pinching. To know that most likely we won’t be seeing each other again. Just another face in my life? Taking away good memories and nothing else. A trip like this has been tiring. Traveling on the road, though most of the time it wasn’t me who is driving, can be exhausting as well. Each morning we were woken up by nature; sounds of birds; sheep’s; cows; horses and many times the wind shook the van so hard, I almost thought I’m on a ship. And during one of the last days in the van, cows were licking and pushing our van and how annoyed and amused we both were. Very much so I hated walking, I realized the beauty of tramping and be in the midst of nature. Every step gets me closer to the destination. And every step tells me how big the universe is or rather how small I am. But, all these, the towering mountains, the vast rainforests, the endless valleys and amazing rivers and oceans, are created for us. How great God is? That he lits up the night sky with the most beautiful ornaments of all, that’s His signature I call it. Its beyond my ability to understand this perfection of His creation. I sat at the top of the hill, looking over the valleys and rivers for a long time and it’s simply beyond breathtaking.

I arrived Auckland on the 28^th of Sept. For some reasons, I was least excited about this trip. Maybe I have not grasped the fact that this was going to be a more than 2 months trip. After checking in into Base, me and my friend head out for dinner. Base isn’t like a true-blue backpackers’ hostel. It’s more like a motel to me. With teens popping in and out of the building. For a $22NZD a night, it is rather decent for a motel. With 2 double decker beds cramped in one small room, I first checked out the others’ belongings to find out what kind of people am I sleeping with for the next 2 nights. Well, 2 guys. Not sure where they were from, but anyhow, my worst thoughts were about to emerge.

I was pretty excited meeting up my old friend I knew back when we were 14ish. The last time we met, I was about 18 or so. That’s a long time back! After giving him a buzz, we met at Base. Wow.. how time flies, and how time can change a man! No longer was he a punk with every possible piercing in his face and body. There stood a fine looking charming young man. Oh, Dustin..& michelle, if you are reading this, opps! It was great to have a buddy in Auckland, a place totally new to me and my friend. For the next 2 days, we were driven around and treated with great hospitality! How lovely is he. The first beach of this trip was…..my memory failed me. When Singapore forecast says it’s gonna be a windy day for any days, it is just a breeze compared to Auckland. Or very likely, I am just being a sheltered damn S’porean. Wait till I get to the Wellington part. It’s blew the shit outta you. And likely your shit gonna freeze instantly once its out. Bad analogy… but point delivered. Not used to the sudden change of weather between Sg and NZ, I was wrapping myself like a cocoon while my 2 lovely friends were in Tees and jeans… “ It’s just windy” They said. Yeah right. So back to the Base hostel. I nearly stab the guy sleeping below me. His snores were thunderous! If anyone can recall how Porky in Tinytoons snores in his sleep, it was a 3 second of continuous pig snorts and another 3 secs of whistle. And this whole cycle lasted through out the night. Not forgetting every time I was about to be hypnotized by this persistent and constant cycle of this hideous tune, this fellow had to move, turn or just twitching his toes, I don’t’ care! And shook the sane out of me. I popped in my earphones and after a long time.. I woke up, tired and grumpy. I believed I did fall asleep afterall. The next evening, the other guy told us that this asian is such a horrible snorer that a few days back, the guy in the next room was banging his fist on the hollow wall and the Ultimate was still in his LaLaLand. That night, the other guy was my saviour.. Earplugs! Apparently my dear friend and him had earplugs and had no problems at all! WAT THE… Thank goodness, we were out the next day.

Here’s our campervan! OK, home for the next 30days. Road trip bagan on 30^th Sept. Starting from Auckland, we headed further north to Bay of Islands, where the friend did a day of sailing and of cos, only having 400 to begin with, I did the cheapest – Nothing. I was pretty upset when I thought of the next 29days of how little I can do in this trip. And constantly praying and believing that He will still make a good memorable trip for me. The faith was tough to upkeep. I was at the back of the wheel to Bay of Islands. 

You know like how some colors appeal more to some people. 100km before our destination, something pink flashed pass me on the right at 100kmh. Of cos, cos I was driving at that speed. “PINK SHEEPS!!” I yelled! I can’t believe what I just said. Drifting in and out of his doze, he jumped upon my squeal. “HEH?!” I make an U-turn back, hop into their territory, and giving my first goal of catching a sheep – PINK! Flop. That’s why there are sheepdogs. On the way back from Bay of Islands, I found out from the owner that they colored them with food dyes. And no, they don’t do other colors – SheepWorld. 

The first night of camp was at the campground. $25bucks for 2 with all facilities. And best of all, kayak rental at $5 ! It was the first perfect night, with good dinner prepared by myself, by the waterfalls in the background and clear night sky sprinkled by an infinity of twinkles. But it was a cold cold night. I had a full day to myself the next day. Prepared a sumptuous lunch – egg,bacon,cheese,lettues,tomatoes x 2 ! Went back to sleep right after lunch, sweet. 2 hours of power nap later, I was in the river trying my virgin paddle. There I met an 60+ yr old lady on the river. Had one of the nicest chat ever. Gave me her contact and told me to visit her when I return to Sydney. She wants to introduce her son to me. LOL.

Sheeps, cows, horses and sometimes lamas are the usual suspects in the morning. This cow was obviously curious whats the long thing I’m putting in and out of my mouth with white foam.

There was this hot water beach, like its name mention, hot springs. The part I was standing gives off heat and when the waves moves in, it heats up the water. People rented spades for $5 to dig their very own hot pool. Save the 5bucks and borrow it from some kids. Think it as near rotorua, slightly below Auckland. My partner did the Zorb. Throughout the trip, I was only the envious spectator. With $400, thank god for this friend. 


























































And so, in Rotorua,  I did horse trekking. Something I have always dreamt of doing – to be on the back of a horse riding through hills and valleys. That was $60 for an hour. And so i left with even less money. Not forgetting $100 for crossing to the south island. The second time in life im on a horse. First was in Chiangmai when I was 19. But that was just a huge pony I think.. nothing worth mentioning.. no scenery no nothing. My horse was lovely. All of them walked in single file. After being taught some of the basics of horse handling, we set off to triumph the hills! I was quite worried after the first bad experience. This stallion was brilliant. We were told to pull the leash and stop 2metres from the horse infront if it stopped. And if ever the horse decided to have some snacks on the way, pull harder to warn them. That sounded easy.. but different story on the back. And so, this lovely was able to auto-pilot! He did munch a little on the way.. but a small tug away from the juicy grass was enough. How sweet. And most of all, he never goes out of line, never overtake his friend even if he wander off to snack. And thus, mine would just stop in line waiting for the front mare to finish the food. And for a couple of times, he sneezed becos the tail of the front’s was sweeping his nose constantly. How cute. I grew a fond for horses after that trip. How smart they are! And like dogs, every personality is distinctive. This guy, doesn’t like to get his feet dirty. Each time comes a puddle or mud which most of the horse would ignore, he would route to the side to avoid the dirt. Many times it was so near the cliff, I was afraid he may lose his footing!

Further west, Tongariro Alpine crossing! Why am I not surprise that this was one of many arguments between him and me. This is one of the few major walks in NZ. A full 8 hour walk, crossing streams, valleys, rocks and whatever you can think of. Its not fun being together with a endurance trained athlete and at the same time a German. Due to the pre-booking of the return trip to the base from the other side of the alpine, I decided the day before that I was unfit to take down this alpine, and thus did not make any booking. On the actual day, I prayed for physical strength and determination to conquer the hills. In our minds, we thought I could only do 12km, 2 way, 4 hours. At Soda Springs, I’m all geared up mentally to go for the ultimate. If God is with me, who can be against me?? He did. So we discussed, argued, fought and I ended up stomping back the same route, wiping off the angry tears that streamed down, cursing and swearing under my breath.  Just because he presume I’m too slow and not able to make it on time to catch the shuttle back to our base where our campervan was, im not allowed to tramp. And that set one of the few regrets in my life! Anyway, its ok. I manage to do some other great walks in the mean time. 



One of which was a 2hour route to this beautiful falls which I took a video of. Tuck away in a little corner, there lies a 30m amazing fall. The walk was pretty amazing too. Endless of grassland on one side and snow cap mountains on the other side.  And the best thing, I’m alone!