Sitting by the bar at 3.45pm, by myself thinking what Melbourne has given me for the past 2 weeks. Get out there to know more people, I was told. After a week in isolation, or rather, just being with one SG friend who is rich enough to levitate himself from the local Aussies. So I heeded the advice and get out there.. do what I do best – know more guys.
From Couchsurfing, my social circle expanded overnight. Travelers around the world came together and had a ball of a time. I wasn’t surprise at all. Its in every male species DNA to gravitate towards the opposite gender. That I’ve learnt over the years since puberty. Or so, maybe I was over-estimating myself or the ego in me was over-reacting in its own will. Flirtatious darts were throwing my way. Awkward actions spotted. There was this guy that were giving goodbye hugs to everyone and by the time it was my turn, he withdrew and gave a short quick wave in front of his chest. He must be hating himself shortly after for making such a cute and dumb wave. Through out the party, people moved from one spot to another, to get to know the others. Needless to say, I did likewise. HoWever, I can’t help but to notice the same face in whichever conversations I engaged to. After the 2 convo, I’m pretty sure this guy had eyes on me. I never expected to get direct and blunt opinions from people of any race or nationality or simply, humans. The first guy who fondered my ego was the same guy who appeared repeatedly infront of me. After some short chat, he told me I’m beautiful and he wanted to see me home. And guess how I reacted. Any of my past experience did not teach me how to fight or flight this situation. It was simpler to jump to conclusion – he just want to get into my pants. So I showed my simplest appreciate by saying Thank you, but I can manage. Nonetheless, he left me his number and hope I give him a buzz.
The next morning, another Host from couchsurfing called on the house phone. We met 2 nights before for a short drink and I went home after 2 hours as my crazy stomach had one of those days again. All thanks to the half a bottle of beer. He was calling to check if I was feeling better, if that’s the real motive. Not long into the conversation, he blatantly, directly, forthrightly, told me he’s attracted to me and wondering if I’m feeling the same as well. If so, we can hang out more. At this point, its all clear that the first part of the conversation was just formalities. It goes without saying that I did feel extremely good but it also put me into a very uncomfortable position. Extremely flattered I must admit, and his appealing smile was hard to forget.
As I was writing this outside a bar in the day, someone across the table has been gazing into my direction. Undoubtedly, a male species of course.
I’m starting to doubt how the world sees me. Is it true that when more than a handful of people say the same thing over and over again to you, a lie could turn out to be the truth? I was walking down the same street a couple of days later and I passed by a Pizza place. There was this mid 40s man standing right at the entrance of the restaurant who I assume is the owner. Just another friendly Aussie I thought, when he started talking to me. It would be nice to chat with a local anyway, and so I slowed down my steps. Food and wine are gonna get me killed one day. I’ve got absolutely no resistance to any of that mentioned. The word of wine took over the logicality in me and the next thing I knew, I was sitting comfortably on the couch, listening to his ridiculous words of adoration for me and persuasion of bringing me to Hawaii. My patience ran out as soon as I emptied the glass. Ok, Get out of here.
Reality is nothing but mere made up fiction and beliefs of every individuals. It’s a matter of choice and decisions of every man that carve the reality in his world. When people say, come to reality and stop dreaming. Whose dreams and whose reality? The so-called reality is intensify when more people see and believe in the same thing and thus, it’s being determine as real? And if I choose to see the opposite and believe in the alternative, I’m seen as the opposer or the day- dreamer. Its everything around us that brings the reality to set. The judgment, the misconception, the delusion and perspective of every single being, shapes the personality and beauty of another. So am I still beautiful? I believe I am.
To those who shared the same opinions of me, to those who disagree, to those who are with me, and to those who are against me, Thank you. However, I don’t give credit to those thoughts and opinions and that’s how I survived through these years.
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